Saturday, 5 February 2011
Wednesday, 2 February 2011
It started very slowly and picked up as winter got worse. I badly wanted the sun on my skin but because of my work hours I couldn't. In the morning when I got to work it was dark and when I got home it's dark again. When the sun comes out during the day I was stuck at my work. How depressing that was!
Getting up in the morning was a struggle and feeling the beat of cold wind was teeth-gritting. I freakin' hated it until now!
I was stressed by basically everything. I worried too much and was very touchy. I cried day and night and was always uttering, "I wanna go home!" As if that was not enough I developed middle insomnia. My body was clearly telling me to give up but my head was saying, "I can do this. I'll be fine". As a result of this tension, my body started to manifest symptoms of anxiety. For the third time in just two weeks, I visited a GP and asked for help.
Am I getting crazy?
What the doctor told me raised an alarm. He advised me to go for a counselling session. That was my turning point. I knew I had to do something about it. I decided not to go back to work (for the meantime). Meanwhile I planned for an alternate route. I had to to change job. Anyway, to make the long story short, when I got back to work, my contract was terminated. I have crossed over the allowed sick-leave for a temporary worker. At least I'm not guilty that I quit my job for lack of enthusiasm. I'm not guilty being fired because of delinquency. I was not fit to work.
For the meantime I am focusing on my alternate route. No stress, no worries. I don't get to hear the stupid alarm in the morning. I work when I want, play piano when I'm bored, feel the sunshine on my skin when it's out. Money? Who cares. I'm stress-free and that's what matters most.